Before WLS

in 2004 post op

Glenn, it was wonderful and so worthwhile to have a coaching session with you! You listened with empathy, and were able to weed through my issues to bring clarification to my decision about having WLS, which was not easy to do. As a WLS patient yourself, your experiences and perspective are invaluable.

— Katherine

My Newsletter: Through Thick and Thin

A Note from Glenn:

Welcome to my archive of newsletters sharing my WLS experience, challenges, successes and recovery. I started writing these articles once I decided to have the surgery, and continued writing every two weeks or so through the present. I encourage you to take your time and read them in order, starting with the first. Based upon the experience of the 700,000 people who have visited my website and read the newsletters, I believe that they will help you in your consideration and use of Weight Loss Surgery as a tool for reclaiming your health, mobility and longevity. I hope you'll share this resource with others in your circle who can benefit. Enjoy...

— Glenn

1. [Making the WLS Decision] Why I'm Choosing To Make My Stomach The Size of My Thumb or When the horse I've been riding is dead, it's finally time to get off and find a new mount!

As far back as I can remember, my weight has been a defining, limiting, painful and self-destructive issue in my life. Today, as I approach age 55 and a “morbidly obese” (life-threatening) 360 pounds, I am preparing to have some form of Weight Loss Surgery this fall. Why am I now choosing to make my stomach the size of my thumb?...

2. [My Story] My Long and Winding Road or The habits, lifestyle and weight persist even after the emotional hole has been filled

As I’ve reconstructed my long and winding path to morbid obesity, I’ve made observations that have surprised or interested me. I share them with you now in the hope they’ll be relevant, illuminating or instructive… Now, after all these years and all these diets and after the emotional rollercoaster ride of my struggles with my weight, I’m finally ready to undergo the surgical procedure that I know will deliver the outcomes I yearn for: a long, healthy life…

3. [Pre-Op] Jumping Through The Hoops to Gastric Bypass Surgery or At long last. Hope!

For the first time in 45 years, I’m truly believing that, through the miracle of WLS, I can achieve a healthful weight and physical state. Although I have come to feel hopeless about resolving my morbid obesity through careful eating and exercise, I no longer feel helpless. I’ve come to realize that I have a medical condition that requires a medical intervention and that my obesity is not an issue of my character, intelligence or competence. There’s no shame in that realization. For the first time, I feel hope…

4. [Relationship with food] Preparing for My Weight Loss Surgery or Food As Fuel -- Not Drama, Mama, Karma or Trauma

I’m totally intrigued by the notion that with my little, redesigned stomach pouch I’ll just be eating to sustain and fuel my body. Not for all of the other reasons that I’ve always devoured excessive amounts. Food has supplied so much of my life’s drama, sometimes played the role of a nurturing Mama, seemed to be an preordained part of my Karma, and been the source of much of my life trauma. As I look forward to my surgery, I like the idea of leaving this all behind. Of being liberated from the burdens and perils of choice. Of letting go of all of the emotional content and connotations of food…

5. [Overeating] Stuffed in Seattle: Pigging Out and Waking Up or There really is no Free Lunch

I was staying overnight in a hotel, and I failed to recognize the dangers inherent in breaking my normal meal routine. And so I reverted to old habits and brought snacks, as well as dinner, back to my room. Just in case. That's when I lost it. And found it. What I lost was my "food sobriety" — my consciousness and awareness of what I had already consumed, how full I was, and when to stop eating. And that's when it hit me: I simply cannot afford ANY lapses after my surgery. After all, this is not a game or a diversion; this is my life that's at stake...

7. [Exercise] My New Second Job Or Play Becomes Part of My Life Work

As I continue preparations for my WLS, I’m learning that I now must take on a second job. Not to pay for the procedure, or as part of my career path. My new job is vigorous daily exercise and it’s a vital precondition to reclaiming my body, restoring my health and prolonging my life. Unless I perform this job with as much commitment and consistency as my others, I will squander my time and money on WLS. After all, what meaning will my other life work have if I don’t live long enough to perform it?...

8. [Eve of Surgery] Imagining A Life Where My Weight Doesn’t Run Me, As I Pass To The Losing Side

After months of waiting and imagining, my WLS is just days away. I’ve been busy completing my work commitments; pursuing emotional closure with family and friends; visualizing my successful surgery and recovery; completing post-op preparations; and gathering up and focusing 100% of my energies upon surviving the surgery and emerging on the Losing Side. I find myself dreaming about the time when my weight will no longer be a primary, defining or limiting issue in my life…

9. [Post-Op] This Man’s View From The Other Side or I’m Glad I’ve Made It Here, But the Trip Was Awful

Three weeks ago yesterday I had my WLS. Today is the first day that I have felt well enough to share my perspective about this transformative journey. My bottom line: I’m glad I had the surgery, and this trip has been far, far more painful, agonizing and difficult than I ever imagined it would be. I seemed to have invested most of my energy in preparing for the surgery, without ever understanding how nasty a ride these first few weeks would be…

12. [Relationship with Food] The End of My Love Affair With Food

I’ve lost 70 pounds, my diabetes is controlled and my sleep apnea is gone. I look and feel great. There’s just one thing I find myself missing and grieving: the end of my lifelong love affair with the drama, smell, taste, texture, appearance and excitement of food…

13. [Success Rules] Why I’m Succeeding With WLS When Nothing Else Worked

Weight Loss Surgery is working for me because I now have a well-functioning appetite regulator. Also, both behavioral conditioning and positive feedback work well for me. For today, I am very happy to be bored with my food and thrilled with my life…

14. [Plateaus] WLS Peaks and Plateaus

I don’t need any help dealing with my WLS peaks – dramatic weight loss, improving health and fitness, freedom from blood sugar pricks, insulin and CPAPs, shrinking circumferences, compliments and praise. These are very easy to handle. However, it’s no fun feeling stuck. Dealing with my present weight plateau is a real challenge.

15. [Post-op Complications] Blocked!

It was a very scary and uncomfortable episode when my reconstituted and diminished stomach became blocked. With help from my doctor's staff, I was finally able to dissolve the blockage by nightfall, by which time I was exhausted, famished, remorseful and grateful. I learned a few useful strategies I want to share with you…

16. [Acid Reflux, Ulcers, Post-Op Complications] The Agony and The Ecstasy

I hadn’t been able to keep down anything for the past several days. That’s when I called my doctor and went in for an endoscopy. The problem: acid reflux and ulcers in my esophagus and stomach lining.

17. [inches lost] The Tale of the Tape Measure

Every month, on the anniversary of my WLS, we carefully measure the changed circumferences of 12 different parts of my body. Five months after surgery, and down more than 100 pounds, here’s the tale told by the tape. I’m happy to let the numbers speak for themselves…

19. [Juice Plus] How I’ve Solved My Fruit and Vegetable Problem

In my first five months post-op, I had done absolutely everything ahat my WLS doctor asked me to do – except for one glaring omission. I just couldn’t find a way to eat my five recommended daily servings of both fruit and vegetables. I wasn’t being rebellious or self-sabotaging. I just couldn’t figure out how to squeeze this important nutritional source into my tiny tummy. Then I found a product that has really worked for me, and now, for me, the problem is solved. Here’s how it worked…

20. [Downsides] Top Ten Reasons Why WLS is NOT “the easy way out”

Here are MY top ten reasons why Weight Loss Surgery is neither a quick fix nor the easy way out…

21. [Emotional Eating] Head Hunger and Emotional Eating

For the first time in my life, I know I can trust the information transmitted by my stomach to prompt, stop or otherwise regulate my consumption of food and calories. And between my vitamins, protein shakes and fruit and vegetable supplements, I always know that I’ve consumed enough protein and nutrition to sustain my body. And yet…Sometimes, even knowing that my body has all the nourishment it needs, I still feel “head hunger”. Unless Emotional Eating is recognized and dealt with, it can and will sabotage the extreme measures I and we have taken to live longer, healthier lives...

23. [Exercise] Exercise is Not An “Option”; It’s Now My “Default”

Down 125 pounds, I’m thrilled with the way I’ve become one of “those people”. I love to walk and move my body. I seek out opportunities to move. Exercise has changed dramatically for me. Now that I can move without pain or fatigue, I love it for its own sake. And of course I love it for the way that it drives my continuing weight loss. I am comfortably and naturally incorporating exercise into every day and into everything I do…

24. [Nutrition; Protein Powders & Supplements] My Cuban Adventure: How I Survived – and Thrived – Without ANY “Real Food”

One of the most amazing aspects of my trip was learning that I can survive, and thrive, without consuming virtually ANY local or “real” food. My protein powder (meal replacement drinks), multivitamins and fruit/vegetable supplements sustained me, even walking ten or more miles a day. I gained immeasurable confidence from knowing I can survive any place, any situation, any challenge – domestic or foreign – without compromising my health…

25. [Post-op Recovery] Getting Real About My WLS Problems

My greatest complaint about WLS email groups and books is that the writers often seemed more cheerleaders than realists, and glossed over the negatives. I resented this in my first 10 weeks post-op, because I felt unprepared for the intense discomfort I experienced moving to the Losing Side. So I’ve renewed my commitment to being real about my WLS problems. Getting real means acknowledging my gnawing frustration and irritation at the severe limitations upon what I can eat – not about the quantity of food I can consume, but the variety (or lack thereof)…

39. [Oral Fixations] Obsessing on My Oral Compulsions

My mouth craves constant action, stimulation, and movement. I derive joy and satisfaction from the kinetic energy inherent in chewing, sucking or otherwise mouthing things. My oral fixation began before the reach of my memory, and has continued, unabated, in the fifteen months since my Weight Loss Surgery. I haven’t let my oral compulsions interfere with my post-op eating plan. However, I still find myself struggling to understand the origins of my oral cravings, and to find healthy alternatives and replacement behaviors – or at least minimally harmful things and substances to keep my mouth satiated and out of trouble…

40. [Oral Fixations] Fixing My Fixations II or Ending The Sacrifices At the Altar of My Oral Obsessions

I really want to understand the roots of my oral compulsions, because both me and my mouth are getting tired of this nonsense and wasted energy, and I resent the loss of control and power over my own body parts and functions. I don’t want to continue engaging in old behaviors that no longer serve me or promote my health and inner peace. So I asked Dennis (a very special friend and relative who is also a very gifted and spiritual psychoanalyst) for his off-the-cuff insights into my oral imperatives.

41. [Oral Fixations] Making Peace With My Mouth While Bringing My Heart Up To Speed

In my last newsletter, written at the end of February, I continued my explorations of my oral obsessions and my lifelong history of keeping my mouth gainfully employed in chewing, licking, sucking, and other self-stimulating acts of consumption and oral play. And I announced that, effective immediately, I was going to experiment by stopping, cold turkey, my use of gum, mints, and all other substances or implements - other than bona fide food, beverages and medications that are a regular part of my daily nutritional consumption - for however long it took to get to the bottom of this mystery. I reasoned that whatever feelings were underlying and feeding my oral fixations would soon reveal themselves and allow me to address them once I ceased the chomping.

Life sure is full of surprises. My Grand Experiment showed surprising results - even before I ended up in the hospital with a pacemaker inserted beneath my breastbone. That's why you haven't heard from me during the last month.

45. [Relationships] Does Weight Loss Surgery Cause Divorce?

I read with interest a recent newspaper article entitled “Gastric bypass surgery has its risks, including divorce.” I’m always looking for new data about the long-term consequences of WLS to share with my subscribers, correspondents and clients, so I quickly scanned the story. My first thought -- that some enterprising researcher had conducted a long-term, double-blind scientific study and found some significant association between Weight Loss Surgery and divorce – was understandable, but wrong. I don’t know how you feel about the increasing media sensationalism around Weight Loss Surgery, but I’m rapidly developing zero tolerance and taste for such nonsense and fear-mongering…

48. [Eating Logs] Monitoring My Food May Be A Pain, But the Results Are A Comfort (August 20, 2004)

There are few tasks that I hate and resist more than keeping a systematic, detailed log of my food and drink consumption.  It seems to trigger my “Don’t Tell Me What To Eat” reflex from childhood.  Consequently, keeping a food diary ranks right up there with doing my taxes and having the doctor check my prostrate among my least favorite things.  However, there are good reasons for doing all three.  So I recently kept a detailed eating log for a week as part of a consult with a WLS Nutritionist to make sure that I wasn’t malnourished and that I wasn’t going to keep losing pounds until I disappeared...

49. [Feelings/Shame] My Weight Stays the Same, But My Shame Keeps Resurfacing (September 24, 2004)

Today, as I write, I am celebrating my 23 month anniversary of my Weight Loss Surgery. The good news is that I’m at my ideal weight, and I continue to be able to make sufficient minor adjustments in my caloric intake and caloric burn to maintain my weight stability. I just wish that I could find some magical way to exorcise the sense of shame that continues to resurface every time I experience any kind of health-related problem or crisis.

It appears that I have internalized my sense of shame so deeply and profoundly that whenever something goes wrong with my body I immediately accept that the cause is my years of gluttony and obesity. I take total responsibility and feel completely accountable for causing my corporal calamity. I don’t question, I blame myself. I don’t seek other explanations, I punish myself harshly. These feelings have nothing to do with physical reality, but they have unfortunately become an ingrained part of my interior emotional landscape. This is a pattern I want to break, but I now suspect it will take much longer to lose the shame than it did to lose the excess weight…

50. My Bottom Line: I Would Have Been Dead By Now Without My WLS!

It was two years ago today that I had my Vertical Banded Gastroplasty. According to my medical team, I would probably have been dead by now without my Weight Loss Surgery -- and its matching gifts of my 180 pound weight loss, and my transformed body and lifestyle.  That’s my personal bottom line as I look back upon the path that led me to this day and milestone. Instead, I'm celebrating my Two Year Anniversary with a long hike...

50-PS. A Post-Script from Glenn’s Wife or The Blessings of 2 years in a Trim & Active Body

This is Kari Goldberg, Glenn’s wife, writing this newsletter. I have some sad news. On December 19, 2004, Glenn died, doing what he loved most – walking on one of the beautiful trails here in the Pacific Northwest. He was happy, seemingly healthy, and enjoying being with a friend. Literally in the middle of a joke, he paused for a moment and then dropped dead. This was and still is a shock to all who knew him either in person or via the Internet.

Copyright, 2003, Glenn Goldberg. All rights reserved.