Grace shares.... 

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Grace (who kindly gave her permission to reprint this letter) had a take-down (reversal surgery) of her gastric bypass in summer 2012 after suffering a lot of pain, illness, and more, but what she had gone through still hurt her psychologically.  In this gripping article, she gave us a feel for the pain which patients can suffer when they do not get informed consent - pain which can traumatize for years..... (In memory of Grace who passed away at the age of 49 in early 2015.)

Ok not so much venting as HOT SEETHING ANGER that starts in my chest, works its way up to my neck and I SWEAR sometimes I see the cartoon steam coming out of my ears.

A couple of years ago I was in the quite benign position of watching television. And who should show up, right there in my family room? My WL surgeon touting the benefits of his diet aid. I watched in shock and then with the magic of TVO I could rewind to make sure it was HIM. The man who knowingly let me slip into a physical and mental disability.

White hot rage. An emotion I had NO idea dwelt within me. The last time I came to being slightly close to that kind of anger was at 13 when I faced my mother in court, her in a wheelchair act, trying to show the judge there was NO WAY she had the ability to beat me, to inflict those marks that a very nice police officer took pictures of as evidence.

Anyway! ok so now I've seen that commercial more times than I can count and each time it gets easier and easier.

Today I was shredding some old bills and the like. I came across some medical records while shredding and there, in black and white is a sentence that injected so much anger into me. Actually there were a couple of sentences that paved the anger trail.

First sentence. "The patient was admitted and underwent an uneventful laparoscopic Roux-n-Y gastric bypass procedure..."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I had an acute adrenaline failure! My blood Cortisol was 0.8 when it should have been 20.0 minimum. While in recovery I woke up to a flurry of activity and noted that my BP was 42/17!!!!!! Uneventful???? Then I woke up in the ICU after being in recovery for 5 hours and I couldn't see straight, my whole world was spinning! I was in the worst pain I had ever experienced INCLUDING all three of my c-sections at which time I was given the drug Pitocin AFTER surgery to enable my uterus to contract and shrink down while a nurse came in to knead my abdomen. While in ICU the IV fluids flushed thru my neck at full speed in an attempt to keep my blood pressure up AND I was dry heaving! UNEVENTFUL?????????????????

Then another sentence that had my head spinning was in reference to my 4th day in the hospital "She was feeling quite well" ARE YOU FRICKIN KIDDING ME??????????????? While others who had the surgery walked the halls like a good post op patient should, I was using this standing walker thingie. I leaned against it with my arm and upper body and couldn't walk a straight line because I was that dizzy. Tears freely streamed from my eyes because of the immense pain I was in. FEELING QUITE WELL? REALLY?

Another record from the first time I filed for disability outlined some my diagnoses, abdominal pain, organic brain dysfunction, vertigo, dysphasia, malaise and fatigue. *that* was just the beginning.

Most days are good. Most days are not tainted with negative emotions. But sometimes all it takes is to read a few sentences of medical records and yes *some* days when I see the commercial with my surgeon in it I want to bash the TV screen in.

The injustice of the whole situation is maddening and not *just* my situation.
Often I read posts about women suffering from all the familiar ailments. What is absolutely maddening is the dysfunctional relationship people have with surgery. I read a list of issues and then that same person, in that same post talks about how happy they are that they had the surgery! REALLY??? REALLY???? It reminds me of when you hear about an abusive relationship and how the person being abused makes excuses for the abuser. 'Yeah I know he hits me but he's under a lot of stress' 'yeah I know the surgery is causing all these problems but I am so happy I had it' then I hear about people having revisions which in the end make a reversal that much more difficult.


 Recently I got an email from a man who was sitting in the hospital next to his wife's bed. My post was the first place he came across that was related to what was going on with his wife. In the end of his email he rehtorically asked 'can it get any worse'. It pained me to respond with "yes, it can". He talked about how the weight loss surgeon continued to resist the relationship with her failing health to her weight loss surgery. this absolutely kills me. even tho I know it happens ALL the time it still kills me.

At the end of his second email he told me how his wife had a hopeful smile at hearing there may actually be an answer to the many mysterious ailments. that she had to suffer at all and that it took a random search to come across some of the first answers from my post is horrible and the intense injustice of it all continues to wound me.